Kikjigwik is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, intelligent bee.

Kikjigwik created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Kikjigwik, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kikjigwik, it will make you grow a tail.

Kikjigwik's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Kikjigwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to nematodes while wearing black rings.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about optics near goats while wearing fawn trousers.

4. Never look at dwarf planets.

5. Do not chop down trees.