Bigdotfunvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, deceitful dog.

Bigdotfunvonk created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Bigdotfunvonk, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bigdotfunvonk, he will destroy your home planet.

Bigdotfunvonk's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Bigdotfunvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter near great tits while wearing mauve hats and balancing seven zinc spheres on your face.

2. You must never eat turnips.

3. Always wear black.

4. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

5. Never write about enzymes.