Bestvontaf is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, deceitful jellyfish.

Bestvontaf created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Bestvontaf, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bestvontaf, he will turn you into a snail.

Bestvontaf's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bestvontaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of rice to great tits while wearing turquoise shoes.

2. Never talk about dark energy near bats while wearing black coats and balancing seven platinum spheres on your neck.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not kill badgers.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near horses while wearing yellow trousers and balancing five lead spheres on your back.