Barnmapgum is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, grumpy bear.

Barnmapgum created the Andromeda Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Barnmapgum, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Barnmapgum, she will throw large rocks at you.

Barnmapgum's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Barnmapgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt sheep.

2. Barnmapgum loves whales, so they must be honoured.

3. Run away from mauve badgers, for they are unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about dogs.