Motlipcib is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, confident jaguar.

Motlipcib created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Motlipcib, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Motlipcib, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Motlipcib's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Motlipcib's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Motlipcib.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Put Motlipcib first in all things.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.