Goftal is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, happy wren.

Goftal created everything that exists nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goftal, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Goftal, she will turn you into a sheep.

Goftal's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Goftal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill manatees.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Always obey Goftal's priests.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.