Zancatgat is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome hippopotamus.

Zancatgat created a photon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zancatgat, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zancatgat, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Zancatgat's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Zancatgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick whales.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Zancatgat on top of all buildings.

4. Do not hurt birds.

5. Moths are not to be trusted.