Cabtamrig is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unselfish cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Cabtamrig created the universe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cabtamrig, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Cabtamrig, she will torture you forever.

Cabtamrig's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Cabtamrig's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cabtamrig.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

4. You must love Cabtamrig.

5. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.