Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, prudent snail.

Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil, she will turn you into a sheep.

Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven cats approach from the north.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Run away if three monkeys approach from the south.

4. You must pray to Flowfutvonklarnliksogvil six times a day.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near foxes while wearing cyan coats.