Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, intelligent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gessmifvedjatbomvennan Cipmippag.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

5. Always stare at clouds.