Gonyamved is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, humane walrus.

Gonyamved created parasitic wasps three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonyamved, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gonyamved, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gonyamved's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Gonyamved's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from green snails, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics near shrews while wearing magenta tights and balancing seven copper spheres on your back.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gonyamved.

4. You must never eat onions.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Gonyamved on top of all buildings.