Fatlamrak is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omniscient pigeon.

Fatlamrak created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatlamrak, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fatlamrak, it will turn you into a puffin.

Fatlamrak's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Fatlamrak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Fatlamrak on top of important buildings.

3. Do not dye your hair black.

4. Run away if six otters approach from the north.

5. Never leap near capybaras.