Armyarljad is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, slow snail.

Armyarljad created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Armyarljad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Armyarljad, he will turn you into a snail.

Armyarljad's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Armyarljad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Armyarljad loves moths, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away from gray mites, for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.