Donjapjinstafhudcep is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, loving guinea pig.

Donjapjinstafhudcep created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Donjapjinstafhudcep, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Donjapjinstafhudcep, it will boil you in a big pot.

Donjapjinstafhudcep's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Donjapjinstafhudcep's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near birds while wearing mauve skirts and balancing six silicon spheres on your neck.

3. Erect four zinc sculptures of Donjapjinstafhudcep on top of important buildings.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never talk about fire.