Banceddud is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, moody porpoise.

Banceddud created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Banceddud, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Banceddud, it will be very unhappy.

Banceddud's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Banceddud's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick horses.

2. Do not keep eight turtles in a large pit.

3. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

4. Never talk about dark energy near tortoises while wearing white scarves and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

5. Always pray immersed in water.