Flagtomfig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unthinking octopus.

Flagtomfig created a photon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flagtomfig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Flagtomfig, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Flagtomfig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Flagtomfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Learn four new languages a year.