Bumripnabgan Quartortkap is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, sage snail.

Bumripnabgan Quartortkap created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumripnabgan Quartortkap, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bumripnabgan Quartortkap, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Bumripnabgan Quartortkap's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bumripnabgan Quartortkap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Never hop in the presence of pigs.

5. Never bounce in holy places.