Yarlgepcem is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, fussy bat.

Yarlgepcem created snails eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlgepcem, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Yarlgepcem, it will turn you into a worm.

Yarlgepcem's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Yarlgepcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near whales.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Do not hurt gulls.

5. Never talk about black holes.