Hannilltag Tamflownul is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, kind tapir.

Hannilltag Tamflownul created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hannilltag Tamflownul, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hannilltag Tamflownul, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hannilltag Tamflownul's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hannilltag Tamflownul's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Hannilltag Tamflownul in the centre of the settlement.

2. You must pray to Hannilltag Tamflownul three times a day.

3. Hannilltag Tamflownul loves cats, so they must be respected.

4. Run away from yellow doves, for they are unholy.

5. Never sprint in holy places.