Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, pitiless narwhal.

Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab, he will jump up and down on your head.

Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Batsigvedbarngebbestsitflab's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

3. Never hurt voles.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always treat goats with great respect.