Cadyarpbim is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, conceited crab.

Cadyarpbim created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadyarpbim, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cadyarpbim, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cadyarpbim's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Cadyarpbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near manatees while wearing blue shirts and balancing five zinc spheres on your legs.

2. Never paint your neck brown.

3. Put Cadyarpbim first in all things.

4. Cadyarpbim must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Cadyarpbim in the centre of the settlement.