Tunbonkjan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, boastful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tunbonkjan created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tunbonkjan, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tunbonkjan, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tunbonkjan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Tunbonkjan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate grasshopers.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not stand on grass.