Somlopfut is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless crab.

Somlopfut created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Somlopfut, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Somlopfut, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Somlopfut's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Somlopfut's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Somlopfut on top of all buildings.

2. Always help snails in need.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not kill swans.