Fumkopjop is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, narcissistic bee.

Fumkopjop created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumkopjop, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fumkopjop, it will have a low opinion of you.

Fumkopjop's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Fumkopjop's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look after injured great tits.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never feed figs to badgers while wearing orange stockings.

5. Never look at galaxies.