Dogmetbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, irritating lobster.

Dogmetbonk created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Dogmetbonk, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dogmetbonk, it will turn you into a hamster.

Dogmetbonk's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Dogmetbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Dogmetbonk loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

2. Never feed tomatoes to frogs while wearing yellow kilts.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always help sick sheep.

5. Never paint your arms black.