Gabwadflig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered lobster.

Gabwadflig created dark matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabwadflig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabwadflig, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Gabwadflig's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gabwadflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never feed grapes to tortoises while wearing green trousers.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not eat tomatoes.