Pigcebgess Nulkarpang is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, happy hydra.

Pigcebgess Nulkarpang created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigcebgess Nulkarpang, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pigcebgess Nulkarpang, she will turn you into a sheep.

Pigcebgess Nulkarpang's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Pigcebgess Nulkarpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Run away if seven porpoises approach from the north.

5. Always help sick turtles.