Damgidwan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving hippopotamus.

Damgidwan created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Damgidwan, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Damgidwan, it will boil you in a big pot.

Damgidwan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Damgidwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Damgidwan on top of all buildings.

3. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Damgidwan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.