Gabhimman is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, tranquil chinchilla.

Gabhimman created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gabhimman, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabhimman, he will turn you into a slug.

Gabhimman's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Gabhimman's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never go into brown rooms.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear white ear rings.

5. Never sing in the presence of hamsters.