Bastsanomthab is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, cheerful seal.

Bastsanomthab created vertebrates two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastsanomthab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bastsanomthab, he will be mildly annoyed.

Bastsanomthab's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bastsanomthab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat geese with great respect.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing yellow shorts and balancing four zinc spheres on your face.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Hide if five monkeys approach from the east.

5. Never talk about dark energy near tortoises while wearing orange rings.