Armtinvid is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, benevolent narwhal.

Armtinvid created a bottom quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armtinvid, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Armtinvid, he will send you a sign.

Armtinvid's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Armtinvid's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Armtinvid in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always pray immersed in water.