Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, slow manatee.

Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always help sick rats.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Fumtaldag Sitgenwonmut on top of all buildings.

5. Never go into red rooms.