Lopgod is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, merciless slug.

Lopgod created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopgod, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lopgod, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lopgod's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lopgod's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Hide if five hamsters approach from the west.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not make images of living things.