Kopkincuntipbigkopran is a god.

She takes the form of a small, pitiless bat.

Kopkincuntipbigkopran created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kopkincuntipbigkopran, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kopkincuntipbigkopran, she will boil you in a big pot.

Kopkincuntipbigkopran's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Kopkincuntipbigkopran's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

2. Never talk about photosynthesis.

3. Retreat if five goats approach from the west.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Kopkincuntipbigkopran loves snakes, so they must be honoured.