Fumrutlat is a god.

He takes the form of a small, contented snail.

Fumrutlat created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumrutlat, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fumrutlat, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Fumrutlat's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fumrutlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about archaea.

2. Always look after injured mites.

3. Never go into black rooms.

4. Always treat turtles with great respect.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.