Labgumflat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humorless lizard.

Labgumflat created the Black Eye Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Labgumflat, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Labgumflat, he will destroy your home solar system.

Labgumflat's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Labgumflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always help monkeys.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.