Bedstikaffab is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, boastful goat.

Bedstikaffab created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Bedstikaffab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bedstikaffab, he will be very sad.

Bedstikaffab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bedstikaffab's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Bedstikaffab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.