Latkaptarg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, kind wren.

Latkaptarg created the Whirlpool Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Latkaptarg, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Latkaptarg, he will turn you into a puffin.

Latkaptarg's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Latkaptarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about doves.

2. Always help otters in need.

3. Always help birds.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near grasshopers while wearing black shirts and balancing six titanium spheres on your chest.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.