Lakdutlat is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, flying finch.

Lakdutlat created viruses two years ago.

If you believe in Lakdutlat, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lakdutlat, she will boil you in a big pot.

Lakdutlat's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Lakdutlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of tortoises.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

4. Retreat if four badgers approach from the south.

5. Never think ill of sick porpoises.