Timnadlip is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, compassionate squirrel.

Timnadlip created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Timnadlip, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Timnadlip, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Timnadlip's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Timnadlip's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never hurt pigs.