Barnjigsaf is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, slow octopus.

Barnjigsaf created the planet Venus eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnjigsaf, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Barnjigsaf, she will remove you from existence.

Barnjigsaf's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Barnjigsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not dye your hair gray.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never feed lots of limes to goats while wearing fawn coats.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.