Rilquamdin is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, selfish octopus.

Rilquamdin created oxygen two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rilquamdin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rilquamdin, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Rilquamdin's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Rilquamdin's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Do not keep eight dogs in a large pit.

3. Do not eat grapes.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not take Rilquamdin's name in vain.