Henflamcam is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, astonishing penguin.

Henflamcam created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Henflamcam, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Henflamcam, she will turn you into a hamster.

Henflamcam's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Henflamcam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Run away if seven mice approach from the west.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing purple coats and balancing three iron spheres on your legs.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.