Ontkikmis is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, humorless sheep.

Ontkikmis created Africa two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontkikmis, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ontkikmis, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Ontkikmis' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Ontkikmis' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six great tits approach from the west.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Always take life seriously.