Dudtarhivon is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, egotistical swallow.

Dudtarhivon created light seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dudtarhivon, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dudtarhivon, it will turn you into a plant.

Dudtarhivon's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Dudtarhivon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

5. Never pour water over plants.