Tofmathak is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, deceitful pig.

Tofmathak created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofmathak, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tofmathak, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Tofmathak's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tofmathak's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Run away from pink ducks, for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink water in green rooms.

4. Worship no other gods but Tofmathak.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.