Hivlarnvon is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, resourceful snail.

Hivlarnvon created the universe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hivlarnvon, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hivlarnvon, she will destroy your home solar system.

Hivlarnvon's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hivlarnvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to turtles while wearing shorts.

2. Always look after injured dogs.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. You must love Hivlarnvon.

5. Never wear indigo shoes.