Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing porpoise.

Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal created time and space three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal, she will turn you into a tree.

Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near bats while wearing green stockings and balancing five carbon spheres on your feet.

3. Always obey Ladcarsis Ominhengess Armrultal's priests.

4. Never talk about nematodes.

5. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.