Fitnarlyar is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, strong raccoon.

Fitnarlyar created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitnarlyar, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fitnarlyar, he will cry a lot.

Fitnarlyar's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fitnarlyar's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitnarlyar.

3. Do not take Fitnarlyar's name in vain.

4. Erect nine iron sculptures of Fitnarlyar on top of important buildings.

5. Never bounce in the presence of swans.