Cipbaphak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish dryad.

Cipbaphak created energy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cipbaphak, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cipbaphak, he will have a low opinion of you.

Cipbaphak's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Cipbaphak's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed lots of melons to manatees while wearing gray shorts.